The Language of Love

Dana Finley – Delta Chapter, Boston University

Since I’m writing this blog post right around Valentine’s Day, it only seems appropriate that I’ve been thinking a lot lately about love languages. What is a love language, you ask? A relationship counselor named Gary Chapman wrote a book in the ’90s about the five love languages. In the book he claims that there are five definitive love languages–quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, and acts of service. Chapman argues that in interpersonal relationships, one shouldn’t use the love language that they prefer but rather the love language preferred by the one they are communicating with.

During leadership consultant training, all of the leadership consultants took the Love Languages test to determine what our love language is (mine is words of affirmation!) Since then, the consultant team exchanged results and compiled them into a document for each other’s reference. Even though the leadership consultants are not in a romantic relationship, we recognize that we all prefer to receive affection and express love in different ways, and I think it has really helped me understand my

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co-workers in a new and nuanced way. By sharing our test results, we are more well-equipped to communicate with each other and work as a team.

This Valentine’s Day, I found myself reflecting on my preferred love language and how it impacts my relationships with those around me. Because my love language is words of affirmation, I feel more connected to my friends and family when I can exchange text messages, emails or even phone calls with them quickly and often throughout the day. For me, it is not about the physical presence of a loved one, but rather knowing that they are only a phone call (or FaceTime away) when I need a boost or check-in.

Better understanding how I prefer to be communicated with has also helped me understand my relationships with others and why some are more difficult than others. Reflecting back on past romantic relationships, I can see where disconnect occurred because we were trying to reach each other using different love languages. While it’s sometimes hard to think about relationships that aren’t what they used to be, it is helpful for me to understand where our love languages played different parts in our relationship and how I can improve upon communication in future relationships. (#Personalgrowth, am I right?)

Introspection and learning more about yourself and how you communicate best with others can only make you a better partner, friend and family member. I would love to hear what your love language is and how you have applied that information to your relationships. Maybe you’ll surprise yourself with your results!

 

 

It’s about the Little Wins

Bianca Pino – Kappa Omicron Chapter, Florida International University

If there is one thing you need to know about me it’s that I am very critical of myself. As a perfectionist, I try to do everything just right so that things will always result in a success. I’m sure you can imagine that this philosophy has failed me once or twice before because let’s be honest, life isn’t perfect. No matter how hard you try life will throw you curve balls, but instead of thinking of them as opportunities to fail, you should see them as opportunities to succeed through adversity.

It took being a leadership consultant for me to learn that sometimes it’s not always about the bigger wins but rather the little ones. I realized that not every situation I am faced with will always be a success. Sometimes situations will be out my control, sometimes there will be failures, and sometimes I will not get everything I want no matter how perfect I was along the way to get it. I learned that if there were failures along the way it did not mean I was not good at my job or that I did not do enough but rather that sometimes failures need to happen for there to be success.

So if you’re like me and are always hard on yourself, just think about these three things:

• Celebrate the little wins: Maybe your chapter didn’t win the grand prize, but you placed. Celebrate that success and work on how you can get to the top next time. Maybe you didn’t get that big job, but you were selected to the final round – celebrate that! If we don’t take the time to reflect on our achievements then we will never know our strengths. Little wins are just as important as big ones, so give yourself some credit.
• Everything happens for a reason: I know this is cliché but you know it’s true. Life has a funny way of playing out and sometimes the things you think you want or deserve are not actually the right things. I can name countless times that I have wanted something so bad and thanks to the fact that I did not get it, I was able to receive even greater opportunities.
• Your failures do not define you: This took me a while to accept and understand, because I always felt that my failures would define me more than my successes. Here is a quote from one of my greatest role models, NFL Green Bay Packers coach Vince Lombardi, “The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall.” I quickly learned that surviving through adversity speaks a lot more to your character.

So hopefully this helps you remember not to be so hard on yourself and to celebrate those little wins!

Adios,

Bianca

What I Didn’t Learn in College

Annie Forrest, Theta Zeta, University of Virginia

I don’t know about you, but I didn’t necessarily graduate college with all the tools I needed to join the workforce, especially when it came to filling out job applications. Who do I choose for references? How do I format a cover letter? What’s a writing sample? No, seriously, what is a writing sample?! Maybe you had an awesome college class that prepped you to answer questions like these, and to be honest, I’m a little jealous. Unfortunately, I didn’t. So if you’re like me–completely unsure about where to begin when it comes to job applications, then let a sista help ya out by sharing what I’ve learned over the past post-grad year!

In order to keep this blog post somewhat concise, I’ll focus on the most important written piece of the job application process–the resume.

First things first: what is a resume?

A quick Google search tells us that a resume is “a brief account of a person’s education, qualifications and previous experience, typically sent with a job application.”

This being said, a resume is your chance to show potential employees just how well you could fit into their company based on your experiences.

Just like your college professors might have cared a little too much about how you formatted your term papers in APA or Chicago style or whatever else, the way you format your resume is of the utmost importance. Make sure it is no longer than one page. I’ve heard of employers who discounted applicants solely for the fact that their resume was greater than one page in length and that some employers simply refuse to read past the first page. I can tell that you’re an incredible person with many accomplishments, but I promise that you can keep it to one page.

As you begin formatting your resume, make sure each section of it is consistent with the other sections. If you use Times New Roman font for your header, then use it all the way through. If you use complete sentences, then only use complete sentences. If you space the dates at which you worked somewhere else to the right margin, then keep that up til the end. Just another small detail that will take your resume to the next level!

Once again, I know you’re a wonderful person with so many past experiences that you can barely fit them on one page, but make sure you’re catering the experiences you choose to showcase to the specific company to which you’re submitting an application. For me, it doesn’t make sense to showcase every experience I’ve had with sexual assault prevention and education if I’m applying for a job that has nothing to do with prevention work. Highlight the parts that are most relevant to the job in question.

Another seemingly obvious, but often overlooked, piece of the resume puzzle is to check for spelling and grammar mistakes again and again. Your resume is the one chance you have to impress a potential employer, so make sure they don’t get distracted by a simple spelling mistake. I know I caught an accidental misspelling of Sigma Kappa in my resume last week. Thankfully, I found it before submitting it anywhere. Such a simple mistake that checking and rechecking easily rectified!

When writing descriptions of your experiences, use the present tense and action verbs. This way, the people reading your resume know that you actively did the tasks about which you’re speaking and more quickly understand why those tasks are relevant to their company. Conciseness is also encouraged since you have limited space and the employer has limited time. Remember that you’ll have a chance to explain your resume in greater depth during an in-person or phone/Skype interview, so get to the point by stating exactly what you did in your previous experiences.

Now that you’ve written everything down clearly and concisely, and catered to the employer, make sure that it’s written clearly and concisely for anyone else to understand. Your best friend and her CEO father should come away from reading your resume with the same level of understanding of your past experiences. What might seem clear to you may seem like Greek (pun intended since I work for Sigma Kappa) to someone else. Have several people check over your resume before submitting it.

I hope this post helps you rock your next resume revamp session (or makes it easier to start one if you haven’t gotten around to it yet).

Stay tuned for more helpful hints for entering the professional world!

5 Interesting Things In Indiana

Morgan Chaney, Epsilon Mu, University of Missouri

For my entire life, I lived in the state of Missouri. The Show-Me-State, which is home to the St. Louis Cardinals, Mizzou Tigers, toasted ravioli, gooey butter cake and my favorite puppy has always been my home and the thought of moving away was never something I thought I would do. At the beginning of January, I moved to Bloomington, Indiana to help establish the Indiana University colony. Bloomington is an amazing city, but there are some things I’m not quite used to yet. These are 5 main things that I’ve found that are completely different:

1. Roundabouts: Indiana has more roundabouts than I have ever seen in my life. While I am finally starting to get the hang of them, the ones with multiple lanes still make me feel like this corgi.
2. Little 500: When people explained the Little 500 bike race to me, I was beyond confused. After watching Breaking Away and hearing stories from people who have participated in the race, it makes me excited to see what it’s all about (and start riding a bike again).
3. The lack of Dunkin’ Donuts: As much as I love my daily Starbucks fix, I’m a Dunkin’ girl at heart. Not only do they have my favorite hazelnut coffee, they have awesome doughnuts. Although they do have my favorite coffee closer to Indianapolis, it’s 50 miles away and sadly, that’s a little too far to drive for doughnuts.  
4. Basketball: Although I have always been an avid sports fan, I grew up in a town focused on baseball and hockey. We never had a great basketball team to follow, so seeing so much team spirit and excitement for a new sport is exciting! I’m hoping to catch a Hoosiers game soon to see what all the buzz is about!
5. One-way roads: Although there are one-way roads in Missouri, many if not most of the roads in downtown Bloomington are one way only. Although I’m getting better on knowing which ones go which direction, I always feel like I’m going the wrong way!

Although Indiana may not be my home state, it’s definitely a place I’m excited to call home. Go ho-ho-hoosiers!

Until next time!

 

5 Ways to De-Stress

Brianna McKay, Kappa Eta, Texas Christian University

Hello, everyone!

We all know that life can be stressful. Whether it is work or life there can always be something that gets to you and stresses you out. I recently heard some great advice from a very smart woman. She said “you choose to let the situations in your life stress you out.” I had never thought about stress like this and have tried to use the advice so far this semester.

In titling this post, I am not sure de-stress is the right way to put it. The 5 tips that I have go to this advice of choosing not to get stressed out but instead choosing to get your mind off of the situation. So here are the five ways I have been choosing to re-direct my stressful thoughts. My hope is that you can find one thing on this list to help you re-direct your stress as well!

1. Read a book: I love to read but sometimes I find it hard to pick up a book when I know how many other things I need to do. However, it is important to do the things you love and get your mind off of the things that are stressing you out.
2. Go for a walk/exercise: I have not been making time to exercise recently but I have been making time to go for walks. A walk can be one of the best ways to clear your mind and lift up your spirit.
3. Watch Netflix: I know that this one may sound a bit silly. But I do have a reason for listing this one! Sometimes you just need to do something mindless and forget about everything else that is going on. Netflix is a great way to enter into a different world by watching one of your favorite shows/movies/documentaries.
4. Cook a meal: I love to cook even though I’m not very good at it. When you cook a meal you focus on just that, cooking the meal and making sure your food is good.  This can also help to take your mind off of the stress and focus on making some delicious food.
5. Talk to someone that makes you happy: I know that a fault of mine is that when I am starting to stress about something I continue to talk and think about it. That is why I think talking to someone that makes you smile and laugh can be so therapeutic. Talk to them about everything and focus on them to get your mind happy and in the right place!

I hope you can find one thing on this list to keep you from stressing out!

Until next time,

Bri

Say Cheese

Jessica Cunningham, Epsilon Tau, California State University, Fullerton

Sometimes it is difficult to brainstorm a good topic to write about. I always do my best to say what’s on my mind and speak about the things I love. So when sitting down to write this, I thought to myself Jess, what do you love oh so much? My answer to that was….CHEESE!

I know that may sound a bit unexpected but it’s true. When ordering pizza, I never hesitate to add extra cheese. When asked at restaurants if they can add extra cheese to my salad, pasta or entrée, the answer is of course. A cheese plate appetizer paired with crackers, nuts and fruit always hits the spot. I love gouda cheese, feta cheese, pepper jack cheese, cheddar cheese and I even like to cut slices right off the block.

Here are a few of my favorite foods that make my mouth water and are overflowing with cheese:

  

Stay cheesy my friends!

Time to Jet,

Jess

Essential Reads

Kate Wright, Zeta Phi, Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey

Hello friends,

I love love love to read. I believe the best way to spend a day is sitting by a bright window engrossed in a book. I do not discriminate on genre or even fiction versus nonfiction. I want to share with you a couple of books that have really changed the way I view life.

Ron Clark’s The Essential 55

This book came out in 2003 and believe it or not that’s close to when I first read it (I have read it many times since). The book is written by an award winning educator about the 55 rules he and his elementary students lived by in the classroom as told through anecdotes and stories. It might look odd because it is definitely marketed to teachers but the lessons are really applicable to life.

Glennon Doyle Melton’s Carry On, Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life

This one may sound familiar because Glennon is a Sigma Kappa from our Delta Rho Chapter at James Madison University and she spoke at national convention in 2014. The only way I can describe this book is that when you read it you think “Oh my god, someone gets me” (#mysticbond). Glennon has done amazing things with her life and she’s very open about her experiences both good and bad. Not everything in the book will apply to everyone simply based on what life experiences you may have had (I am not married nor am I a mother), but the feelings will resonate. It reads like an eloquent description of your inner most thoughts.

Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers: The Story of Success

In this book, Gladwell explores through essays what makes people exceptional. A lot of his work is rooted in academic theory and so the nerd in you will rejoice at each of these unique and detailed stories. Simply put this book is exceptionally interesting and will have you contemplating its lessons for years to come.

Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice

I am sure you recognize this one, and probably already know the story line well; I won’t bore you with a summary. I include it in this list to say I believe it’s essential to read Jane Austen at least once a year and if you’re going to start anywhere, start with Pride and Prejudice (no, watching any of the film versions doesn’t count). You can find classics like this for free in ebook form, but I’d recommend owning a paper book copy so you can see the wear of many reads.

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads lives only one”. – George R.R. Martin

–Kate